the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
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