I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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