Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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