I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just blew my weed a kiss
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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