She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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