Your tits are I can't wait for
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
