apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
