I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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