Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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