I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
