i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
