Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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