i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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