Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
