I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
