who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize