I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
