she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
