Pants 0. Shit 1.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
