Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
