its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
sarcasm needs its own font
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
