Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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