I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
