In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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