perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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