my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Oh god it's open bar.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
