I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
