A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
People in love make me want to vomit
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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