As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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