Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
