bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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