Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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