I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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