Can Purell be used as lube?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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