dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
