WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
