with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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