Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize