just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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