My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
