I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
