The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
