She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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