I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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