The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize