The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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