The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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