I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
