I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
