it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
