Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
