im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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