Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
