I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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