Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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