if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
