he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Your cock deserves a montage
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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