I must be too annoying 4 u.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
