Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
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