So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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