You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
