This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
