dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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