he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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