i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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