You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
