He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
