I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
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