I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
