I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
