The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
