she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize