I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
