Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
