he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
