she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
