I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
