dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
