Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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